


The Sky is Too High

by lalasagna



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M, I made myself sad while writing this, M/M, MIKAH MADE ME WRITE THIS, sad hinata, unrequited kagehina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 15:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5591494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lalasagna/pseuds/lalasagna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Hinata's willpower isn't enough.</p>
<p>(this is not happy kagehina if that's what you were expecting shh shhh)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sky is Too High

**Author's Note:**

> aka Mikah Made Me Do It Even Though I Didn't Want to Because Kagehina is My OTP But I Was in No Power to Argue
> 
> but that's too long so I settled for the other one instead. Again, this is /not/ kagehina okay???? okay.

“Hinata, what is wrong with you today? Is something the matter?” Sugawara said as soon as we were out of hearing distance from the team.

His face was all worried-looking and I’m sure the others were also wondering why I couldn’t spike properly for the past few practices. I feel guilty for being the cause of their worry. And yet, I knew the answer crystal clear.

Instead of saying what I really wanted to shout out, I answered, “No, sorry. I just—haven’t been getting enough sleep, because I suck at exams and I wanted to get a double digit score this time...”

Suga raised his eyebrows in an understanding look, but he didn’t understand anything. It wasn’t because of studies that I was underperforming and making a fool of myself, I thought to myself as he told me to take the rest of the day off to get some rest. It was because I realized I was in love with Kageyama Tobio.

Preparing my things, I mulled it further in my head. I was in love with my teammate, Kageyama, and I couldn’t focus while he’s there being so perfect and amazing and incredible right beside me. I knew I smiled a lot, but my smiles seemed to get bigger the longer I stayed with him. He was so—He had this pull on me that made me want to just kiss him every time he cheered after a successful quick. It made me want to wake up to that stupid face every morning and fall asleep next to it every night.

“Oi, are you okay?”

Before even turning around, I recognized the voice. How could I not? It was the one that had been distracting me a lot lately. My heart thumped against my chest as I looked into his eyes.

“Dumbass, don’t just stare at me!” Kageyama shouted a little louder than necessary. “Are you sick?”

I gave him a smile and said, “Bakageyama, I’m fine! I just need some rest, stupid. Why, are you worriieed?”

He huffed. “I can’t do those weird quicks alone.”

My chest hurt as it dawned to me that that was the only reason I mattered to him. Not me, but my spikes.

“Idiot, I’ll be fine.” I smiled once again and then gave a brief goodbye to everyone before leaving. The last I saw of him that day was him typing something in his phone with a weird look on his face.

That night, I found myself plagued by thoughts of him again, how his hair was so flat but it made him look strong and charming. How his smiles were usually scary, but if you hung out with him long enough he’d give these small smiles that would make your heart skip a beat. How he was just so _Kageyama_ and just perfect. I groaned against my pillow, willing myself to sleep while my brain shuffled through all the photos of his butt.

I guess that was the moment I decided. Instead of suffering alone, maybe I could tell Kageyama how I felt and we would be together forever. I mean, what if he was just too stubborn to vocalize his true feelings to me and needed a little push? Yeah, that sounds like something that idiot would do. I smiled to myself and got my well-deserved sleep as small clips of us together wound their way into my heart.

The next day, I was still not prepared but ready for anything. Even if a giant rhino went to our school and went _gwah_ on the gym, I’d find a way to tell Kageyama. There was no doubt.

“Kageyama? Oh, he said he was feeling sick and wouldn’t make it to school and practice.” Daichi explained.

My resolve broke to pieces as I realized I had no method of getting to tell him. What a dumbass, skipping school just when I had something important to say. Stupid stupid Kageyama!!

I said my thanks and walked back to my classroom. It was still early and I would be arguing with Kageyama about something stupid like who would be able to climb a banana tree the fastest between us. It made me feel weird, knowing that my day didn’t feel complete without him. It made me feel incomplete as well.

Practice was better, but without Kageyama’s tosses, I still felt weird. At least everyone was no longer giving me weird looks for my low performance level. Every spike I did, I missed him. I knew that I shouldn’t be thinking about my feelings during volleyball, but he just took over all my senses and I didn’t know how to stop it. Even if I knew, I don’t think I would have.

After buying some meat buns (okay not _some_ , but a lot. I’m a growing boy okay!), I remembered when I used to take Natsu to the park when she was smaller and hadn’t mastered the whole walking deal yet and for some reason, it drew me there. It wasn’t getting dark, so I had time, I decided. Maybe a new place will help clear my mind of Kageyama.

The air was a little cold for September, but it wasn’t unpleasant. There was a group of kids playing near the fountain and a few other people scattered around. I put my bike aside, not bothering to lock it since I’ll only be staying for a little bit and began to stroll around. I missed being like this, alone and not getting shouted at. However, when it was Kageyama, it wasn’t so unpleasant.

Speaking of Kageyama, wasn’t that him right there? I focused my eyes and walked a little closer. Kageyama was ordering from the ice cream stall. I almost shouted out for him when I saw the girl beside him.

She wrapped her left arm around his waist and he leaned into her. What the fuck. What the fuck? Is this Kageyama’s girlfriend? How long has he been keeping this secret? Was she that important that he had to miss practice? Most importantly, didn’t I mean anything to him?

Tears stung my eyes for a few moments before I realized I was crying. I quickly turned away as soon as they got their ice cream and walked away, their arms around each other. My chest hurt and I tried to clutch at it with my hand but I couldn’t. The pain was deeper than skin. I sprinted to my bike and practically raced home, except the only thing I was racing with was my heart. Every step I took felt heavy and rooted to the ground, and my eyes were stinging as I marched up to my room. Upon collapsing on my bed, I let out a long shaky breath and clutched at my chest.

I felt dizzy as I lay there, replaying the events in my head again and again. This was not how I expected the day to end, sad and heavy. I thought Kageyama would be there and we’d talk about how silly I was acting after. Apparently not. Perhaps he had already done that with his girlfriend. The word hissed at my tongue and I felt suddenly angry at this new person who had suddenly swept Kageyama away. But then again, it’s not her fault. It was no one’s fault that I was like this, in love with my volleyball partner, who probably wasn’t even gay. Even if he was, he wasn’t interested in me.

I didn’t realize I fell asleep with all turbulence in my head until I woke up with the sun hitting my face. I stretched in bed and touched my face, finding the dried remains of tears there. Not a dream then, as I had hoped. It still made me weak to think about yesterday but it felt so distant that I no longer cried about it. I couldn’t stop thinking about it though. Her putting her arm on his waist replayed in my mind again and again as if taunting me, saying _See what you can’t do with him?_

I guess it wasn’t a surprise then when I arrived in school looking like shit. Kageyama was already in the room when I found him and he was texting on his phone, probably sending some cute message to his girlfriend. I sighed as I put down my bag, trying to debate in my mind if not talking to him for the whole day was suspicious, but before I could decide, a shadow covered my desk and I looked up.

“Hey,” Kageyama greeted.

I breathed in. “Hi, Kageyama!”

He squinted at me and my heart stopped for a second because he might _know_ but then he asked about practice yesterday and I found myself retelling the whole story of Tanaka slipping on the newly varnished floor and Nishinoya jumping it to save him leading in them sliding over to the wall and collapsing the spare volleyball net in the corner. Kageyama was slightly smiling as I intricately detailed the event and I found my heart singing at his smile, but I couldn’t let myself hope. Not after yesterday.

After a few minutes of the usual chatting, Kageyama suddenly got quiet and thoughtful which was weird cause we were talking about meat buns and I didn’t think that the topic needed that much thought. Of course, there’s no denying that it’s an important topic but—

“I saw you at the park yesterday,” He said and I felt faint. “Or, uhm, more importantly, you saw us. At least I think so, but I only noticed your stupid orange hair when you were already leaving.”

I bit my lower lip and was about to say, “Yes I saw you being gross with your girlfriend.” When the teacher arrived and we were forced to separate with a look in the eyes that implied that we weren’t done with the topic.

Looking at the sky at lunch, I mulled over the past few days and how quickly things progressed. It almost felt like a shoujou manga, except the other didn’t feel the same way and there was more crying. And yet, despite all the pain Kageyama has introduced to my life, I wouldn’t have wished I didn’t meet him. Although he always scolded me and was mean, he genuinely wanted me to get better and tried to help in his own little way. I smiled as I remember him trying to make serving an analogy to eating a cake and how embarrassed he got when I couldn’t stop laughing for a whole minute.

He really was incredible. Perhaps that’s why. I wasn’t the only one who saw how incredible he was, and I didn’t feel bad about that. It was just right for other people to appreciate Kageyama. Even though it was gross, I understood how his girlfriend fell in love with him, because I know firsthand.

I sighed, slightly dizzy with all these thoughts orbiting in my head. Thinking for too long made me light headed.

“Oi, dumbass Hinata, why are you lying on the floor?”

I looked up and saw Kageyama approaching me with his lunch in hand. He had his eyebrows furrowed and looked incredibly cute in the sunlight. He was still staring at me, awaiting an answer, I realized after a few seconds.

I smiled at him, genuinely for the first time that day. “I wanted to look at the sky so I can estimate how far I need to jump.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas, Mikah! Here’s your heart-wrenching Kagehina.


End file.
